Anniversary Jokes

A happy couple were celebrating their 20th wedding anniversary, privately, at home with a couple of bottles of champagne. A bit tipsy and feeling very intimate the husband turns to his wife and asks, "Tell me truthfully, have you ever been unfaithful to me?" "Well," she replied, "since you ask, to tell you the truth I have been unfaithful on three occasions." "What? How could you?" "Let me tell you about it," she said. "The first time was back when we were first married. You needed open heart surgery and we didn't have the money, so I went to bed with the surgeon and got him to operate for free." "Wow! That was noble of you. And, besides, I guess I should be grateful. But, tell me, what about the second time?" "Do you remember that VP of Sales promotion you desperately wanted, and they were going to pass you over for someone else? Well, I went to bed with the President and he gave you the job." "Hell, I think I could have done it on my own. But, then again, I guess I should be grateful. And so, what about the third time?" "Do you remember three years ago when you wanted to become president of the Golf Club, and you were missing 63 votes..."

Two gentleman were talking and one said to the other, "You're having an anniversary soon, right?" The other replied, "Yep, 30 years." "Wow," said the other. "What are you going to get your wife for your anniversary?" The other replied, "We're going on a trip to Antartica." "Wow, Antartica, that's some gift!" said the other man. "That's going to be hard to beat. What are you going to do for your 25th anniversary?" "Oh, I'll probably go back and get her."

Bob and Jane were married 25 years. When they first got married Bob said, "I am putting a box under the bed. You must promise never to look in it." In all their 20 years of marriage Jane never looked. However, on the afternoon of their 25th anniversary curiosity got the best of her and she lifted the lid and peeked inside. In the box were 3 empty beer cans and $1371.75 in cash. She closed the box and put it back under the bed. Now that she knew what was in the box, she was doubly curious as to why. That evening they were out for a special dinner. After dinner Jane could no longer contain her curiosity and she confessed, saying, "I am so sorry. For all these years I kept my promise and never looked into the box under our bed. However today the temptation was too much and I gave in. But now I need to know why do you keep the empty cans in the box?" Bob thought for a while and said, "I guess after all these years you deserve to know the truth. Whenever I was unfaithful to you I put an empty beer can in the box under the bed to remind myself not to do it again." Jane was shocked, but said, "I am very disappointed and saddened but I guess after all those years away from home on the road, temptation does happen and I guess that 3 times is not that bad considering the years." They hugged and made their peace. A little while later Jane asked Bob, "Why do you have all that money in the box?" Bob answered, "Whenever the box filled with empties, I cashed them in."

Jamie asks his wife, Julie, what she wants to celebrate their 10th wedding anniversary. "Would you like a new mink coat?" he asks. "Not really," says Julie. "Well how about a new Mercedes sports car?" says Jamie. "No," she responds. "What about a new vacation home in the country?" he suggests. She again rejects his offer with a "No thanks." "Well what would you like for your anniversary?" Jamie asks. "Jamie, I'd like a divorce," answers Julie. "Sorry, I wasn't planning to spend that much," says Jamie.

A couple were celebrating their Golden Wedding anniversary. Their domestic tranquility had long been the talk of the town. A local newspaper reporter was inquiring as to the secret of the long and happy marriage. 'Well, it dates back to our honeymoon,' explained the husband. 'We visited the Grand Canyon and took at trip down to the bottom of the canyon by pack mule. We hadn't gone too far when my wife's mule stumbled. My wife quietly said, "That's once." We proceeded a little further when the mule stumbled again. Once more my wife quietly said, "That's twice." We hadn't gone half a mile when the mule stumbled a third time. My wife took a pistol out of her pocket and shot the mule. ‘I started to protest over her treatment of the mule when she looked at me and quietly said, "That's once."’